Troll Les Miserables
by FallingDown98
Summary: John convinces Karkat to watch Les Misérables with him. Afterwards, Karkat explains to John how bad it was compared to Troll Les Misérables. While he talks, he starts thinking of the characters as him and his friends in his head. What could go wrong? :::;)


=== Summary

John convinces Karkat to watch Les Misérables with him. Afterwards, Karkat explains to John how bad it was compared to Troll Les Misérables. While he talks, he starts thinking of the characters as him and his friends in his head. What could go wrong? :::;)

=== Falling, do the Author's note

Falling: So...Another new fanfiction. Even though I still haven't updated the other ones. *Le sign* I'm so lazy. Anyway, this idea came when I was watching Les Misérables and I was wondering who would be who if the characters from Homestuck were the characters in Les Mis. And then...TA DA!~ This happened. Anyway...a few things before we get started...

NO complaining. For example, if you don't like what role your favorite character got, TOO BAD. You can blame Karkat, because this is all in his head. BUT if there is a character I have not introduced yet, and you want to tell me your explanation and reasoning behind a particular character being somebody, GO RIGHT AHEAD! I would actually love to hear it. Heck, if I decide your choice is better than mine, I might even change a particular character's role. Or not. But you get the idea. 3:)

Reviews are awesome. Flames are not. I love constructive criticism as much as the next gal, but if you send me hate mail I will simply burn it in my fake fireplace and use the fake flames (and a microwave ;P) to make s'mores which I shall eat over the burning flames of your flames. :]

Because Karkat's story-telling is an AU, No one will have any sort of special powers. Also, the universe they are in is also AU where everyone is on the meteor on their way to the Alpha session, including Sollux, Aradia, and all the trolls that died because in this universe, they didn't. :33

I in NO way claim to own Homestuck or Les Misérables. Homestuck belongs to the awesome Andrew Hussie and Les Misérables belongs to Victor Hugo. }:) + :O)

Also... 0u0 ... That's looks stupid...I should probably have started this thing by now...

=== Falling: Start this story already

=== Be Karkat Vantas

"Please Karkat~ Pleeeeeeeease!~" John pouted and continued bugging you. Man was it getting annoying.

"WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT TO FUCK UP EGBERT?!"

"Pleeeeeeeease!~ Just one movie?!~" The idiot continued pouting and even bit his lip with his stupid buck teeth.

"UGH! FINE. ONE MOVIE. I WILL WATCH ONE SHITTY HUMAN EARTH MOVIE WITH YOU." His whining was getting annoying. And if you're honest with yourself, you have actually liked the few Earth movies he's shown you. No. Fuck. What are you saying. You absolutely despise them.

"SO...WHAT MOVIE ARE WE WATCHING? IF IT'S ONE OF YOUR DUMB NIC CAGE MOVIES I WILL NOT FUCKING WATCH."

"No. We're going to watch a movie Rose lent me. She said it's really sad though, so be prepared! It's actually a movie version of a musical that is based on a book she read."

"I WAS JUST ASKING FOR THE FUCKING TITLE! JEGUS, CAN YOU EVER JUST GIVE A STRAIGHT ANSWER?" Egbert just gave you that stupidly happy grin of his that looked so mocking when on the face of ecto-sister. Gog, you hate that smile.

"ASSHOLE, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME OR NOT?"

"It's called Les Misérables."

=== 3 hours in the future

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THAT WAS JUST A REALLY BAD IMITATION OF THE MOST INCREDIBLY EMOTIONAL AND ROMANTICLY DEPRESSING TROLL MOVIE EVER. I WOULD TELL YOU THE TITLE, BUT YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES WHEN IT COMES TO TROLL MOVIES, BUT THE SHORT VERSION IS TROLL LES MIS."

"But Karkat! Isn't that basically the same thing as our human Les Misérables but with trolls?"

"NO JOHN. FUCK NO! IT IS NOT THE SAME THING! FOR ONE THING, IT IS MISSING MANY OF THE VARYING EMOTIONAL ASPECTS THAT COMES FROM EXPRESSING ALL FOUR OF QUADRANTS!" You are extremely mad about this. Troll Les Mis is one of you favorite non-rom-com movies. Even though you always end up crying every single time you watch it, you still love it.

You love everything about it. You love the dynamic between Troll Javert and Troll Jean Valjean as Kismesis, and Troll Eponine's sad story of unrequited love from not just one person but two! You also love the last declaration of love and hate made between Troll Grantaire and Troll Enjolras. Add in heart-wrenching songs about tragedy and it makes the movie one of the best ever.

Sadly, it did not do as well in box offices due to its revolutionary themes and disregard of the hemospectrum and thus, was quickly banned by Her Imperious Condescension. You somehow managed to get a copy illegally. How you were able to keep it without it being discovered, you still have no idea. Of course it was lost when Alternia was destroyed by the meteors during your Game session. The good news is that you have the entire movie memorized.

=== Tell John the entire movie word for word?

Yes. That is exactly what you'll do. And then he'll understand the difference between his shitty earth movie and the glorious movie that is Troll Les Misérables.

=== While he's doing that, let's take a look at Karkat's imagination while he's telling his little story

*Alternia 1815 Twenty six years after the death of The Summoner and even more years after the death of The Sufferer/ The Signless, The Condesce is still in power*

Vriska Valjean Serket was currently serving out her nineteen year sentence in Dersite Jail. Her crime, you may ask? She was caught stealing food to feed her friend and her friend's friend. Her sentence of nineteen years was an abnormal one. Most of the time, people found guilty of any crime were to be executed. Usually by hanging, for that was a legislacerator's favorite form of execution.

Of course, it helps when the legislacerator persecuting you is your Kismesis that wants you to live just a bit longer so that the two of you can continue to hate each other. Vriska REALLY hates her for this but this, but it is also why they make such a good kismesistude. Scourge Sisters forever 3. This particular day is actually Vriska's last day in jail. As per usual, they are using her and the other prisoners as slaves to do something. No one's really sure. No really cares.

Oh look! A random prisoner has just started singing. Vriska has the oddest feeling she's going to be doing a lot of singing soon. But, either way, she decides to join in on the group of singing prisoners.

"_Look down, Look down, Don't look them in the eye."_

"_Look down, Look down, You're here until you die."_

"_No Gog above, And hell alone below,"_

"_Look down, Look down, There's 20 years to go."_

"_I've done no wrong, Sweet Jegus hear my prayer."_

"_Look down, Look down, Sweet Jegus doesn't care."_

"_I know she'll wait, I know that she'll be true."_

"_Look down, Look down, They've all forgotten you."_

"_When I get free, you won't see me here for dust."_

"_Look down, Look down, You'll always be a slave."_

"_Look down, Look down, You're standing in your grave."_

After everybody does the singy thing, the legislacertor watching all the convicts that day stops walks up to Vriska and gives her usual shit-eating grin. This particular legislacerator happened to be Vriska's kismesis.

"_NOW, PR1SON3R 88888, YOUR T1M3 1S UP, 4ND YOUR P4ROL3'S B3GUN. YOU KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS?__"_

"_Yes. It means I'm freeeeeeee.__"_

The legislacerator just smirked and grinned even more at that statement.

"_NOP3!~ FOLLOW TO TH3 L3TT3R YOUR 1T1N3R4RY!__"_

The troll in red and teal hands Vriska a sheet of paper. Well actually, multiple sheets of paper but oh well.

"_TH1S B4DG3 OF SH4M3, YOU'LL SHOW 1T T1LL YOU D13! 1T W4RNS YOUR 4 D4NG3ROUS TROLL!~__"_

"_8we!~ Thanks a lot b8by!~ You know all I was doing was rep8ying a debt.__"_

"_NO PROBL3M, B1TCH. UNL3SS YOU L34RN TH3 M34N1NG OF TH3 L4W... ;]__"_

"_I know the meaning of those 19 years, a sl8ve to you my dear.~__"_

"_F1V3 Y34RS FOR WH4T YOU D1D, TH3 R3ST B3C4US3 YOU TR13D TO RUN. Y3S 88888,__"_

"_My n8me is Vriska Valjean!~__"_

"_4ND 1'M TEREZI J4V3RT!~ YOU WON'T FORG3T MY N4M3!~ DO NOT FORG3T M3, 88888.__"_

Of course, all the random people in the background decided to fucking interrupt to beautiful kismesistude occurring with...LOW AND BEHOLD! More singing!

"_Look down, Look down, You'll always be a slave."_

"_Look down, Look down, You're standing in your grave"_

Let's go back to Vris, Oh. Wow. She's ALREADY leaving. That was fast. Anyway...let's follow.

"_Freedom at last, How weird it is, Never forget those years, the w8ste, Never forgive her for what she's done, She is the guilty, Now C'mon...This d8 8egins, and now let's see, What this new world can do for meeeeeeee.__"_

=== Falling: Do end chapter note

Falling: Well then, that was fun. Actually, this is one of the LONGEST chapters I've ever written. And I think it's one of my best as well. :) Anyway, hope you all enjoyed~ Reviews are always appreciated!~


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